I awoke deeply burdened by what I had just seen. I was only dreaming… but what could it mean? I got up and walked into my dimly lit kitchen with one thought on my mind…
I glanced to see the sink full of dirty dishes, my countertops ﬁlthy from preparing last night’s dinner, and my coﬀee pot still dirty from the morning before. I dreaded the question before it could even leave my daughter’s mouth; It’s as if it played in slow motion, each syllable pounding on my last nerve: “Whhaaat’ss forrr brreeaakfastttt?”
“You’ll have to wait,” I snapped, as I hastily started cleaning the kitchen in frustration.
My mind raced back to 5 years ago while driving to Checkers to fulﬁll a pregnancy craving. I was thinking about how I was almost doing nothing in the ﬁeld I had felt most comfortable in – singing. Where once I had so much success, I was now unnoticed. You see, I had prided myself on my talents. Singing and acting WAS me. If I wasn’t a singer, than who was I?!
I had taken hours of voice lessons a week for years, auditioned in the city daily, performed in countless shows, studied at NYU, lead worship for thousands: it was the only thing I knew how to do. Almost instantly I was pulled out of panic mode by a realization that dropped into my heart.
I choked back tears as I said out loud to the Lord: “I have become nothing in order to know you.”
I was surprised that the tears were not of frustration or sadness, nor did the word “nothing” have self-pity attached to it. It was a happy revelation – a relief in a way. What I once found my identity in, I was no longer doing. As the identity I had built around myself was falling away, I was left naked and broken, with nothing to grab onto but the Lord. Later that night, that phrase that had been dropped so deeply into my spirit came back to me, but this time in diﬀerent words. “He must become greater, I must become less.” – John 3:30
Little did I realize exactly what that would involve and how much further He wanted to take me.
You see, we haven’t even gotten to the part of my dream that caused this flurry of emotion to begin with.
The day was almost done, and I had nearly forgotten about my dream until I went to put yet another load of laundry into the washing machine. I was walking on to the stage to lead worship – a place I had been many times and loved. I saw the mic waiting for me, and my heart was excited for what was to come next. As I stepped on to the stage, I was suddenly standing in front of my washing machine putting in a load of laundry.
Snapping back to reality, I knew what I had known in the car that day 5 years earlier, the Lord was speaking to my heart yet again.
Amy, I want you to serve others in the mundane little things of life with the same passion you have lead people in worship on the stage. That load of laundry, the never-ending, overﬂowing pile of dishes, the meals you cook day in and out, when done with a good attitude, are as much an act of worship to me as you singing on stage.
It was in that moment that I realized, God had me right where He wanted me. And I was no less valuable to him in doing that pile of laundry as I was when I was in front of thousands on a stage. The person who I thought I was had become lesser, and He in me had become greater.
Whether I am singing or not, my identity is in Him, and my entire life is an act of worship.
Do everything without grumbling or arguing, so that you may become blameless and pure, ‘children of God without fault in a warped and crooked generation.’ Then you will shine among them like stars in the sky as you hold firmly to the word of life.” Philippians 2:14-16