kids, motherhood

A Letter to My Big Kindergartner

August 3, 2016

Jackson Marcia

Dear Big Kindergartner,

The day has come for you to embark on one of the biggest adventures of your life. You came into this world always ready for new things, asking never-ending questions, and had a connection with people I’ve never experienced before.

You my son, have left your mark in so many spaces, that as a mom I sometimes have to step back and wonder, WHO is this child I have been so chosen to love and guide? I feel so privileged to have had 5 years to pour into you all the things I would want for you to know as you head outside our home for the first time. And yet you have given me so much more in those 5 years than I could have ever poured into you.

And yet you have given me so much more in those 5 years than I could have ever poured into you.

Before the book reports or spelling tests begin, I want to tell you to know how grateful my heart is for this time with you. For tomorrow is not a sad day for me. My heart may be tender in areas, but I will be okay…for you are not in charge of my feelings my boy.

Tomorrow is an exciting day for you. One to be celebrated not mourned. No, you will not see tears tomorrow. You will see smiles and encouragement, because even though you are excited, there is an anxious anticipation about your new season, and I’m well aware of the fact that you don’t need to carry anything heavy of mine with you…

In just 5 short years, you have plunged into social, spiritual, and emotional spaces that most adults only dare to tread. Unprompted, you pursued relationships and conversations I couldn’t have made up in my best writing moments. I use to be quieter about how much people truly loved being around you, for fear that you wouldn’t be able to navigate rejection; because you will be rejected one day. And this too, is part of your journey. But recently I’ve stopped being quiet about that…

Because Jack, I want you to understand that it is okay to stand out, to be different, and it is alright to know just how much you are loved. Gosh, how much better would our world be if everyone knew how much they were loved? I want YOU to know so you can have a full bucket and go pour that into others. Your overflow will be life-giving!

Tomorrow is a big day for me too. The anticipation factor around our house for the last 6 months has been ‘trying’ to say the least. Your curiosity level upped it’s game. In this, I have allowed myself to be present with the fact this curiosity will also change; that I won’t be the only person you go to for answers or affirmation anymore. And this too, is okay.

I want you to know I am ready to allow you to reach beyond what I have to give. For I do not doubt myself, but know you have been created for great things. Being outside of me will allow you to continue to build and mend, struggle and conquer, grow and flourish.

And the great thing about all this? You will be able to claim these victories as your own. For as any mother knows, my job is not to cage you, but to set free all the gifts you have to share with the world. It is acknowledging that your identity is not in me as your mom, but that it is in who you were created for. And that your desire to step up and out is a sign that you are ready to pursue all that is for you.

Jackson you are strong and you are brave. You are kind and confident. You do not EVER have to be afraid of what faces you. There is a reason the first verse you learned was “Be strong and courageous, do not be afraid. For your Lord is with you.”

You are ready. Go grow!

Love, Mom

 

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Lisa is the main creative at soulcollective.org // Mother of 2, chronicling my journey through all that is and is to come.

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